I had fun putting together my playlist for 2010-2019 to commemorate the decade last year, so I figured, why not do it again this year? Music was particularly important in 2020 for keeping my brain intact.
Too Close – Next
Although “Too Close” is a sexy track about teasing and build up, the meaning of this nostalgic track went over my head in my youth, and it was pretty easy to twist it around for a pandemic catchphrase during lockdown. It was a, uh, welcome relief to contrast with the stressful start of the year.
Fantasmas – Ambar Lucid
While largely a somber tune, Ambar’s heartful delivery of “Aquí nunca hay soledad /Mil fantasmas gritan a encalmar / I’ve seen somewhere in between / Mil fantasmas gritan en soledad,” sparked a creative realization for one of my projects. To me, it evokes the feeling of never being alone, but that not always being comfortable, even unsettling.
Hummingbird – Run River North
They’re my favorite band and so no surprise they show up on near every music list I make. Hummingbird was released late into 2020, and like many of their tracks, it got its teeth in me.
“I can’t explain how much it hurts / Every second’s getting worse / I can’t stand to see you falling / There’s not a next time, just a flat line / You’re losing more than what you’re worth.”
I’d rather not get into specifics, but if these lines were penned with something I know of lead singer in mind, that might explain why they also resonate with me.
Heteronormative Horseshit Blues – Shilpa Ray
I mean, yep.
how will i rest in peace when i’m buried by a highway? – Kenny Hoopla
The YouTube algorithm tossed this one my way awhile back and it absolutely got stuck in my head. I take it as no longer having anything to lose anyway, so you might as well pour everything into a bitchin song. At one point, pretty much everything I played/read/watched could’ve had this as a theme song.
Make Me Feel – Janelle Monaé
This feel-good, sexy song from openly pansexual Janelle Monaé makes me feel…well, good. And “powerful with a little bit of tender.” It’s fun, euphoric, and celebratory of just how damn sexy people are.
Sing to the Moon – Laura Mvula
I first encountered this song from a friend in an old fandom, in association with our mutual OTP and favorite character. It certainly fit said character then, and now it’s a beautiful reminder for me of those times with my friends. I think I also connect to the song and the subject of the moon and the stars, which always captured my imagination and whatever heart I have for spirituality.
It’s a beautifully hopeful song. Even when things are hard, when you’re on your own and “shattered in a thousand pieces,” the moon, the stars, and heaven are there, you just need to sing for them.
Monsters Calling Home – Run River Home
This is the song that introduced me to RRN. I was looking up songs about monsters for whatever reason, and came across this all-Korean-American band singing about their ancestors who first came to America and the trials they faced.
Among other things, this was the first song to really prove to me how powerful it was to hear some reflection of your own history in music, written and arranged and performed by people directly related to the subject matter (by which I mean, while I’m not Korean-American, I am East Asian, and we all have some overlapping immigration stories somewhere in our past or family history). I’ve been able to relate to music that wasn’t “about me” before, but this was something that was very close to me, wrapped in imagery that I had always felt myself. Something something, finding humanity in the monster something something.
Ring of Fire – (cover used for Caravan’s S1 finale)
Take Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire and make it even more gay by having it sign off on the end of Caravan. I did rewind to listen to it over and over again. Caravan’s plotline brings the song to new heights (or hellish depths).
Pursuit of Happiness (Extended Steve Aoki Remix) – Kid Cudi
The 2009 version of the song was on my 2010-2019 list, and it feels fitting to include the remix here. It’s a timeless hit, as far as I’m concerned, and looping “I’m screaming out, ‘fuck that,’ fuck that fuck that” was a Choice. The Wear Your Voice article on this song & mental illness was also a welcome balm.
Someone To Spend Time With – Los Retros
This sleepy track was released early last year, yet captures the tired loneliness and yearning for connection of this year pretty damn well.
Paper Throne – Phum Viphurit
Not to get Deep, but a song about defying and rejecting papery offers where the price is control, and an actual play show about throwing off the yoke of imperialism (and also mechs and dinosaurs), were very much what I needed, so shoutout to All Nerds Here’s Haven: A Land Reclaimed.
I love how the song is fun to listen to, catchy, and while the lyrics tear apart bullshit promises of drowning in gold, it’s also dismissive of the power of those promises – like its not even worth the anger.
“No, I don’t need your paper crown / For it won’t be long ’til your world comes crashing down / I won’t trade my soul for your paper”
Fast Car – Tracy Chapman
A few months back, I happened to be listening to this song when I came across a thread about how great this song is! It’s a moving and well-loved song, and there’s a few different versions and remasters available, and countless covers (My personal favorite is the 1988 Oakland Coliseum recording).
Tracy Chapman’s performance carries you with her through the story of the song, and the love and the desperate wish to just drive and feel something, to escape poverty, to dream and plan for freedom and security elsewhere. The lyrics have connected to a lot of people in a lot of circumstances where they feel trapped and long for more than what they’ve been given.
MANGO – KAMAUU (ft. Adeline)
I talked a bit about this song on Tw*tter already, and it’s stuck in my heart like glue. It’s a joyful breakup song, all about the selflessness of love. As much as I do love messy, angry breakup songs and the catharsis that brings, MANGO stands out as a funky song that presents a warm, vibrant kind of love that grows and grows.
“If you found some other dude / What do I do? / If he loves you truly, yeah / How could I not love him too?”
Boys Like You – Tanérelle
This song is devastating and so, so good.
“Even from a distance / You find a way to be the bane of my existence / I hear ’em whisper I should leave / but I don’t listen”
The cover art also suggests its about uhhh monsterfucking, so uh 👀
Actress – Hana Vu
‘Actress’ is a poppy and ethereal cascade of sound that needs to be on a character playlist.
Letter to my younger self – Ambar Lucid
A sweet and hopeful song for the sad kid in the past.
Oh Raven (Sing Me A Happy Song) – Unlike Pluto
I was looking to fill my Machineries of Empire playlist, and this got stuck in my head for Raven Stratagem and Glass Cannon. I like the energy, so it’s good to work to as well. I definitely have an amv in my head for Cheris and Jedao.
Hold On – Alabama Shakes
My 2020 really benefited from this throwback and the power behind Brittant Howard rocking out, “You gotta hold on,” and “Yeah, you gotta wait / But I don’t wanna wait!”
Grow – HOAX
It feels like a heartening way to end the year with “Grow,” an upbeat and energizing song that acknowledges that the world isn’t perfect, but wishes the best for you, to grow, baby, grow, and also asks, “Don’t you want to go outsiiide?” The song is 3 years old, and the question has a different context now, but goddamn, don’t I just?
Always Gold Birb 